keeping quiet is hard

Well, it's summer time and summer can be boring.  So why not write in a journal and just overthink my life while it is not being lived.

But seriously.  When nothing is happening I just over think every relationship, feeling and missed phone call.  Which is why I am just going to read.  I am reading one book that is pretty good "Sweetness in the Belly" by Camilla Gibb.  I am learning a lot about Ethiopian culture. 

My dad is reading the book "The Tipping Point" and I learned a lot of interesting things out of it today, thanks to airports.  One story is about a scientist who tested the theory of 6 degrees of separation.  He sent a packet to like 200 people in Ohio and had them send it to someone they knew or were aquainted with to help it get to this stock broker in Main or some place on the east coast.  It actually worked in 6 people or less.  But half of the packages that came to the stockbroker came from the same three people.  What he determined from the experiment is that everyone isn't connected by 6 degrees of separation but a handfull of people are connected to everyone by 6 degrees.  He called these people connectors.  I thought it was interesting...

I have these friends that I met when they came through Austin on the Invisible Children Band tour and they really confuse me.  Yeah.  Anyway I just realized I don't feel like getting into why they confuse me.  But they're on tour with Fall Out Boy, who, to be honest, I've never really listened to...and they invited me to come with them to the concert.  If anyone wants to experience this interesting and maybe hilarious of upper middle class, angsty, suburban pre-teens in tight jeans and eyeliner THEN give me a shout and we'll go.  Otherwise I don't think I'll go...

I am so hungry but we just got back from Colorado and so we have no food.  Ergh.

Give me a break here, I haven't written in a journal in a long time.  I need to get my journal-writing spunk back.  But I betcha it was never there...don't say it.

I miss my boyfriend. 

If anyone wants to hang out in Houston give me a callllll.

Remember that time that Cole Mohr became a model for Dior?  Weird.

rngn vkjwnngkvjnwevknnkln why would i even begin to write in this thing. i have too much to say and too much love for the world around me to even begin to put it all in words.

last night i played the pot and spoon in alex's band. there were at least 12 of us. chris simpson remembered my name which i guess he should. but we've only had one conversation. i enjoyed recording on his cd. zookeeper = amazing.

the parade, feilding, big valentines, dave, adam, parents, houses, smiles, pancakes, preston being back, sleeping in, riding bikes, spiderhouse, mosaic, dinner on the market, bring your own bowl, arrested development, the "media" room, paper crains, peace upper, kristen cote, lesley and the 35th street girls, el camino, cowboy boots and dresses, riding on the handle bars, the under 21 band, yellow wildflowers...my life is magic. we live in a magical existence.

tonight was glorious.

at church we had a funeral for the year 2005. it was complete with an obituary, eulogy and burial. testimonies were also given by the always barefooted katie and a tatooed bald friend. we wrote things about 2005 on leaves with sharpie, crumpled them in our hands and sunk them into a dirt-filled coffin. then the prosession continued to the outdoors where we sang to the lord. there was a projection screen with alex's rented experimental film playing in the background. jeff's autistic kids played in front of it and ran around. we also planted bulbs in the dirt to represent the new life that comes in 2006 and the growth. preston planted his bulb and and then the coffin was spray painted white. we sang more and played instruments. i had a hand drum. the last song was a song of the revolution choir:

there is an empire | sitting where we sit | there is a barbed wire | scratching our cheeks in | there is a factory
made out of cement | there is a small flame | escapes from the top of it | there is a thick wall | built out of
blue coal | one thousand years old | there is a land | it is full of giants | but do not lose step | do not be
frightened | there is a great fire | it came from the mountains | we wait in the watchtower | trying to keep it
lit it cannot be too much longer! we wake up slow | we come like a ghost town | bandages weave
into a wedding gown | O sleeping city! | O stealer of souls! do you see us coming?

afterwards we returned to 29th street and waited to say goodbye to Preston. we all watched the simpsons which was weird because i didn't even know that house had a tv. then it went out and i said its probably for the better and seth agreed. the trance was broken. then preston came and we took as long as we could to start saying goodbye. then we all went outside and still waited until we finally all layed hands on him and praying for his move to LA. it was beautiful. and in those moments, as we were all gathered around him and as he wept, i realized what love really is. because not only did everyone love him enough to be sad that he was leaving, but they love him so much that they - we - hope he doesn't come back. that he finds his way. and then we sent him off with a dance party on the front lawn to sufjan stevens.

"Only a steel man can be a lover
If he had hands to tremble all over
We celebrate our sense of each other
We have a lot to give one another"

2005 thingy

Glad to see 2005 go ( yes or no )?
yes and no. i don't want to hurry life up at all but i'm excited to see what magic there is in 2006

Age turned in 2005?
19

Did you change your hair in 2005?
oh man. it went from red to redder to pink to dark dark brown to red again. and lots of different cuts. bangs. i tried bangs. and a shag/rock mullet type thing that i cant style sand need to grow out.

The best part of 2005?
going to college. and all that came with it.

The worst part of 2005?
July and August. i had mono and a bad boyfriend.

Did you make any new friends in 2005?
uh huh. pretty much all the friends i have now.

Any new crushes in 2005?
i think i had quite a few crushes. many of which i now say "what was i thinking and why'd i pursue that." none right now though...well i am madly in love with pretty much everyone i know if that counts.

Do they know?
hmm i hope so.

Who will you never forget from 2005?
oh wow. well ted was big in 2005. hahhaaa no no hugh martin. hahha.

Who did you wish you did not meet in 2005?
that bad boyfriend i mentioned.

Did you have a boy/girlfriend in 2005?
yeah.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
no.

Did you catch someone in a lie in 2005?
whats a lie? people lie?? what?!

Did you call them on it
i don't remember these types of moments but i'll keep thinking

Did you get caught in a lie? What was it?
no i don't think so.

Funniest moment of 2005?
oh hmm. thanksgiving was pretty funny. the callaway wedding was pretty dang hilarious. oh oh on the metro rail. that guy and he asked me and teresa if he could have our number and i was like "yeah its 9-1-1" and thought it was just SO FUNNY. when it really wasnt...but it was at the time. that and that band elefant that opened for like jimmy eat world or something. lots of funny conversations with emily.

Most embarrassing moment of 2005?
oh dear i dunno. i don't think i do get embarassed. rush maybe. the pure fact that i went through rush.

Did you take any vacations in 2005? Where?
(in order) denver, winterpark, cozumel, playa del carmen, paris, north carolina, georga, breckenridge. i think thats it.

Any new hobbies of 2005?
wait yes i think so. no i meant to learn to knit.

Did you get a new job in 2005?
hahhahaa oohh yeah!! urban outfitters from like april - august. then charde jewelry in december.

Did you lose a job in 2005?
Not really. well....does place of work burning down and closing to business count?

Did you get in any car accidents in 2005?
oh dear. yes, yes i did. and belle and sebastian played as we sat in the destroyed car in shock. quite unreal.

Where did most of your money go?
savings "adventure" account.

What song will always remind you of 2005?
the bloc party silent alarm cd. first day of my life - bright eyes

What do you wish you'd done more of?
loving. and spent more time alone with God.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
drinking and kissing. minus the callaway wedding cause that was just hilarious. and disliking.

Thing you were really good at in 2005?
meeting people, making friends. dancing.

In 2005, did you lie to miss a day of work / school?
haha i just did. and i feel SEMI guilty but new years is gonna be beautiful.

Did you wish on a shooting star in 2005?
i really need to stop being dyslexic. i thought it said did you wish you were a shooting star....anyways yes i did.

Has your wish come true?
funny how i don't remember what i wished on.

What's the ringer on your cellphone?
haha one of the annoying tones that comes with the phone. its actually pretty funny.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
all you need is love. stress is not worth it. worrying isn't trusting in God.

why does the weather keep changing? weird. its messing with my allergies.

at this time tomorrow i will be seeing God's splendor: the mountains. and i will be skiing the crap outta them.

i may take up snowboarding though.

i am so addicted to facebook. i check it like every few seconds that i'm on the computer. i don't have to retype the password or anything i just check it. over and over again.

im going to my grandma's house now. why do i keep feeling so flipping sick.

i want some berkenstocks.

lewtjer.khnrklhjkrh,kdeg;lgrljkgfs,mn.sbkmdiolgjhlskngsd,.kvnlklAAKNGVGLKNRSG KSRNHPOSRRJGLKWRENH,KNFRHLKKHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dear austin, texas,
i miss you. i miss the anything goes attitude. i miss the amazing friends i've made and listening to their cds just doesnt suffice. i miss dance parties and parades. i miss kirbey queso and pancakes. i miss young life. i miss my bike. oh roxanne. i miss community dinner. i miss the beauty of the community. the love in the air. the feeling that there is nothing in the world that wants to hurt you and if you decided to up and go to south america it would be just fine.

but life is beautiful here too. montrose is beautiful. ecclesia and Christs love in there is beautiful.

i loved going to ecclesia tonight. it always feels like home there. trenda and jacob weren't there which made me sad. but its okay. my dad and i ran into one of his old friends from college and that was nice. my dad said that his friend is the pastor of a church in clear lake and that he asked my dad to be executive pastor there. i would love to hear my dad preach in church. i wish i could have just gotten up to hear him teach this morning.

tomorrow i am going to start a painting. and if not tomorrow then wednesday. i just need some turp. AH SHOOT im starting one now haha. not really.

things to do:
go to the museum
read mere christianity
look at christmas lights
read hebrews

i'm enjoying the amount of sleep here. i am going grocery shopping tomorrow and then i will enjoy the amount of food here. we've decided not to pay for heating this month so its a little cold, but it makes my bed better.

i am going to work out tomorrow. if these darn cramps and this lower back ache go away.

i love life. it is glorious.

radiant.

thats my favorite world.

the end.

hehehhehehehee im listening to meryllllllll......andrew is singing and i just wanna laugh cause ITS ANDREW. HA HA HA. omygosh. i think im giddy. no way i totally can't be giddy.

so today i woke up at like...?? i dunno i got out of bed for reals at 12 or 1 or something. then i packed and made myself part with some clothes. then i watched family guy with my roomie and it was pretty darned funny. kinda. so THEN it gets more fun.

emily finally returned to hardin house. we sat in her room and talked about mature things like recycling and predestination. okay i am lying we talked about boys. anyways then we decided to go to dinner. we went picked monica up at SRD (she doesnt live there but she studies there on the 5th floor?) and sarah came out too. we all sat in the car and talked about good stuff. and then sarah went back inside to study and we went to spiderhouse. i had their AMAZING cinnamon hot coaco and a half order of black bean quesadilla. we sat on the porch and there were heater things and there was small hail hitting the tin roof. i don't even remember what we talked about. we ran into blake and he is really just quite cute. he got a haircut and it looks cute too. him and emily talked about photography and emily and i made fun of the 5 trendy scene kids that looked like they got dressed in the 80s. only because 4 of them (the boys) had fanny packs. and we stretched our arms - monica stretched her LITTLE arms - up to the heater. then we went to buffalo exchange. i bought two dresses that are quite 70sish and they didnt buy any of my clothes. suckers. i'll try to sell in houston where things are less....austin.

then we went to toy joy. that place is amazing. i bought christmas gifts. a paint by numbers of the eiffel tower and a bridge and the water for my mom, a penguin for my dad, sea monkeys for my mom, aaaannnddd a curious george pen for michael j schwab. i am going back tomorrow to buy more. i can't help myself that place is AMAZING. tomorrow i am going to buy a pillow for my sister thats a rainbow that says "dreams do come true" and fake sushi. and im gonna buy my dad this rainbow maker. you like stick it to the window and the light goes through it to create a rainbow. yay.

then we went to the co-op and tmanja the cat had pooped in monica's room. is smelled very bad. monica has bad gag reflexes. but she didn't throw up. imken and corrie had dropped off a bed so we - okay i sat and read books and played with dresses - rearranged her room to make the beds work. it didnt work so now monica will sleep like the princess and the pea with the mattresses all stacked up. its quite cute actually. like a cake.

and now i am hear. i read some of traveling mercies but my head hurt and now im updated my lj. wowow.

tonight i had my final at 7pm. i didn't study for it at all because i just didn't want to. anyways that was okay. then i rode my bike - side note: i love riding my bike in this weather. with the cool air thats not cold enough to make your nose turn pink hitting your face. especially going down hill. i love the hills in austin. - to my sisters apartment. i took her car and went to macy & brian's house. adam, dave, leslie, preston, kyle, emily, seth, brandon and other adam were there. fat lance that always sits in the big armchair in front at church and makes weird comments was there too. i had some really good soup that macy made and some peach tea for dinner and everyone sat around and talked.

after macy and brians i went with adam and seth to this guy jacob's house to hear alex play. emily was supposed to study for her music final but her car wouldn't start so she decided to come with us instead. dave told me it was at a prison and i didn't believe him...but the whole ride there i kept imagining a prison. seth made fun of me for that. so jacob's house...i don't know jacob but he is parapalegic (sp?) and was in my journalism class this year. supposively he writes for the daily texan. he wrote a couple of poems and alex and this other guy put them to music. hearing his words sung, words that he won't ever be able to even speak himself, was amazing. its like they gave him an ounce of freedom from his lifeless body. as we listened to the music it was amazing to see how much jacob's friends cared for him. his friends were attentive to his needs and readjusted him every time he was uncomfortable.

i met austin dupree, alex's sister who is also a freshman but at furman in south carolina. i just really liked her and we are going shopping tomorrow. well i am going to sell and hopefully i will find a yellow dress.

when we left the house there was a huge ring around the moon. seth was like "its God's tunnel! everyone drink your kool-ade!" and i laughed a lot. everyone came outside to see it.

"i want to get drunk with seth woods. not like that but how effing hilarious would it be to be drunk with those people. not like sinful drunk - i don't know if there is an unsinful drunk - but like tipsy." - emily

then we rode back to brian and macy's. i rode shotgun and seth let me pick his nose. it was all snot and no bugers so boring. ew now i gotta go wash my hands a few more times. and we listened to wilco. and then i got in my car. drove it to my sister's apartment, got on my bike and rode home. once again enjoying the cool air and dark quiet streets.

I am doing everything to avoid studying for my spanish final that is at 7pm tomorrow. so here it goes.

we formed a choir called the revolutionary choir and sang songs. one by alex (dupree) and another by chris simpson that alex added onto. and other one too. people carried instruments. OH and a song by seth (woods.)

anyways we all wore white and the boys dressed up and we carried candles and it was awesome. a lot of random people joined in. we went down guadalupe and then by the frat houses.

( this is the parade )

( and more pictures )

thats all for now.

Kyle Lake, the pastor of university baptist church in waco, died a couple of weeks ago in an accident early sunday morning before preaching his sermon. This is a part of the last sermon he prepared:


LIVE. And Live Well. BREATHE.Breathe in and breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past.Do not be future. Be now.On a crystal clear breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin.Feel the warmth of the sun.If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to freeze your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time. Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done, a paper well written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well performed. LAUGH.If you're eating and laughing at the same time, then you might as well laugh until you puke.And if you eat, then SMELL.The aromas are not impediments to your day.Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven.And TASTE.Taste every ounce of flavor.Taste every ounce of FRIENDSHIP. Taste every ounce of LIFE.Because it is most definately a GIFT.

Kyle Lake

Lets just talk about how encouraging people commenting is. like my goodness i want to update every day of my life now. all the time man.

okay i rode home with the sister, emily in the back seat. good convos. we stopped at some random place where i had a coupld kolaches and a piece of chocolate cake (shared with the sis) to go. it was in the middle of nowhere. the bakery place that is.

um so i hung with the fam. we had some laughs. my sister lost the leftover cake. that made me sad.

hardin girls tell me i am weird i lot. jpatt where'd u live last year again? srd? anyways they tell me i am weird but in a jealous way. i just know it. i am so tired.

it is so quiet and empty in my room. tonight felt like any other high school weekend kinda. tomorrow i am going to urban to see my old work buddies. k bye.

today i had a brownie with fro-yo with my lunch.

i am going home at four.

im going to be a ballerina or madonna circa like a virgin for halloween. to make use of my big white skirt thingy:


hmmm i will wash the jenny outfit this weekend. hey maybe i'll wear it saturday and then you'll see me in houston!

theres a cute boy thats like real....quiet and wears reeally cool sneakers that sometimes sits next to me in art history.
and there are two cute boys that go into that classroom after me.
and another that takes my same bus in the morning.
i passed this guy on the way home who had like cut off navy pants (cut into shorts) a short sleeved plaid shirt, messy (tossled if you will) hair, converse sneakers and an old fashioned camera with a neat strap around his neck. he was cute.
i watched a movie about computer nerds last night and they were cute too.
i want to see elizabeth town (even though it looks like a knock off of garden state) orlando bloom is cute too.

( i wanna take a picture of my new hat but the best i can give you is this: )

( I'm also tempted to cut my hair like this )

( these are my fun anthro finds )

theres a place called midnight rodeo that i want to go to.
i havent been to a frat party since like the first week of school soo i guess you could say that i'm on a "frat free" diet. hehehe.

i want a sweater vest. like button up. maybe i'll go to value village when i get home. what is with this "poor college student" thing being true! i starve on the weekends when hardin isn't serving!!
and more boots. i want to start collecting shoes so that by the time i am like 50 i will have as many shoes as like liz taylor or mariah carey. or that queen that had a lot of shoes. who was that?

i have issues. i'm not gonna buy it all.
for some reason emily, jennifer, melissa and i got on the subject of weddings. and we couldnt stop. hehehe.
jennifer is one of my new friends. she is sososo cute. if you all had facebook you could see her.

alright. to prove that i am still alive. and that i haven't lost any creativity. i will post.
let me see what i wrote in the last one...oh oookay. absolutely nothing. lets see. sunday was my birthday and i bought out cream vintage. which means that i will have to eat rice for the rest of the month. unless i get birthday money. and at least i look like jenny lewis. i wish i had a picture of this get up i bought!!! but its dirty from running through the sprinklers the other night.
i bought a really cool crochet hat. and like. there was this other one i wanted and i kept going back and forth on which to get. and then when i got home that night of my birthday my sister had left the other one on my bed! she didn't even know that i wanted it! so anyways.
i skipped the 8 o'clock. but its okay. i got 8 hours of sleep for the first time in my life! just 8 tho. i may try for more tonight.
i have a spanish midterm tomorrow! it looks easy sept for the vocab.
noelle maybe we should play. i just need to learn how the bus system works to get over there.
im about to go look at an apt for next year. sweet eh?
what else is new. my new sunglasses are pretty sweet. they are biiiigg and reeeeed. i have a 60 something in psychology. i need to talk to the TA or get help. i like to ride my bike up and down the hills here. and theres this grassy area called the 6-pack that i like to sit at. okay i will update again better when im not hungry and in a hurry. ps if anyone knows ms. borden and mr. vonbargen they got married. :O

Carder u suck.

maybe i'll post sometimes.

i was gonna start a band called "carder went scene" but you ruined it.

hey lj friends, i miss you guys.

im not in the moood to post.

first day of college. i think im quitting lj. but update. i'm not doing a sorority and i'm happy about it. okay bye.

i am sooo getting back on this thing. people who love me this is whats up.
jk who loves me anyway?
today iiii worked at urban. it was my last day. i made 40 cookies and put them on a platter with a sign (made out of an urban catalog) that said "cookies for everyone!! i'll miss you guys! heart, mk" there were 4 left when i clocked out at 5. sweet. urban outfitters employees = cookie eating machines. i think there was something in the cookies too cause everyone had to keep..."letting a load off" in the bathroom upstairs. my bad, sorry guys.

jacob came in and was all "you coming tomorrow?" and invited me to an after ecclesia get together. we'll see how it goes.
umm so i came home and got on the internet then dad and mom cooked a REALLY good dinner. there was lot of color. and not like lamar high school but like the rainbow. like there were purple mashed potatoes that ROCKED and then red, yellow and green peppers. then lamb and also like tomatoe and cheese wrapped in squash with like nuts and a vinegarette sauce. it rocked.

then i baked a cake and i didnt realize you had to let it cook before you turned it over to make it fall out. so it cracked into a million peices. but it was still good.

then i went upstairs and watched lots of tv. mostly Global Guts and Noggin (Instant Star and Degrassi) i also watched some of bad boys.

i caved and called tyler at 10:30ish and he was on his way to some party thingy with new friends. there were girls in the background. grand. i felt cool. then he called at like 12:45 or 1 (1:45 his time) and we talked for 45 minutes. yay. and he sent me pics on his phone of his roomie and his room. he cussed or something like said something gross. oh yeah about some guy throwing up and i go "im your girlfriend not your frat brother." and then i was like "well i'm not really your girlfriend i guess?" and he was like "well kinda." so we'll still see. and despite the girls in the background he still loves me. which is okay cause i love him back.

okay btw. you might have thought to yourself Global Guts? but how? like Mark Sommers and the Agro-Crag? YES thats right. its a channel called Nick Gas and its 347 on digital cable. its an old school nickalodeon channel that plays all the old sports/game shows like Legends of the Hidden Temple and Double Dare. and it basically rules my life.

oh and i got a haircut and a dress from anthro. i havent figured out how to resize pics on my mac. if someone wants to tell me then i'll post it.

k maybe i should sleep now.

i might update my lj cause i have an lj widget. lets see how it works.